You thought you were the only one who was hurt inside. But the more you read, the more you learn about the world, others have suffered just as much, or even more than, you. And they were hurt, even more than you.
You thought that you had been healed. You thought that your heart was free, to begin all over again.
But still those experiences haunt you and cannot let you go; somewhere deep, deep within you a wound has left a scar that makes you wonder — what if none of it had happened? What if you had passed through that time just as smoothly as others?
Somehow the high school years make or break you.
You had ambition before. Now it rises sometimes, is crushed sometimes, or changes directions. But you always wonder if all the potential you once showed, like the eclectic, rich childhood of journalist and teacher Jessica Siegel, was suppressed by those years of hardship.
“At age fifteen, Jessica served as the mother of the house. She seemed, superficially to perform with aplomb, cooking and washing and scrubbing, caring for seven-year-old Steve, and designing homemade get-well cards for Sunday visitis to their father’s hospital bed. Inside however, Jessica shriveled with terror at the thought of losing her father, and she longed for the warmth she had always known at her mother’s apron.
“‘Jessica was so able, so able,’ Fanny Siegel says in retrospect. ‘I never thought she had reservations about having to take over as the mother, or that she saw it differently than I did. I think the experience gave her many resources. But it came at a great price. The price was that I don’t think she thought that she was valued. I don’t think she felt loved.'”
– Small Victories by Samuel Freedman
But God makes all things whole and provides those teachers, mentors and friends to lead you through. God disciplines those whom He loves, and we have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood.